Password on My Heart; Infinity, The Rope, Armor, and Some Days

These five poems were written within a month. Brenda, my first wife, had been in a nursing home for about 5 months. It was around this time that we realized that she’d never be coming home. We’d given up on physical therapy. It was just a matter of time. We celebrated her 60th birthday in the home and it was the last time most of her family came to visit.

My life had become a predictable routine: get up, go to work, go to the nursing home, go home and bed, repeat. These poems describe how I was feeling at the time. Before now, they had never been shared with anyone.

 

Password on My Heart
© W. Scott Grant
July 31, 2000 11:30 pm

Put a password on my heart
Encrypt my feelings.

A screen saver hides my desperation
Preventing burn in and burn out.

My hard drive is full of empty files
The processor calculates with incredible speed
But the answer is always the same.

Binary black and white leaves no memory for gray.

The sound card cries for help.
But the speakers aren’t plugged in.

The modem dials out
But the phone line is busy.

The document tries to print
But the printer is jammed.

Life can’t be rebooted and restored from backup.

 

Infinity
© W. Scott Grant
August 10, 2000 10:55 pm

I don’t know how it feels
To be shot through the heart

But it can’t feel too much different
Than this

A black-hole-gravity-well-singularity thrives
           Within me
I have no energy, no will
My very life force is being sucked away
Into this galactic vacuum.

Leaving nothing behind 
          But an empty shell

          And some tears.



 

The Rope
© W. Scott Grant
August 23, 2000 11:45 pm

As I slowly sink into the Quicksand 
          Of Life
Someone offers me a rope to pull me to
          Safety

I hesitate…
          Is the rope strong enough?

What choice do I have?

 

Armor
© W. Scott Grant
August 24, 2000 11:45 pm

I think I’ve invented a new kind of Armor
Each blow the world delivers hurts just the same
But the damage never shows
The outer shell just gets harder and thicker.

 

Some Days
© W. Scott Grant
August 24, 2000 11:50 pm

Some days it seems no one cares about me

Some days I don’t either

 

 

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